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Joke of the Day

"How many blondes does it take to screw a light bulb?? Just 1...blondes will screw anything."

"My girlfriend is reading a book about ""love languages"". Hers is verbal. Mine is oral."

"Me: Got my finger stuck in this beer bottle. Wife: How?! M: Just help me. W: Have you tried butter? M: It's delicious. Now will you help me?"

"The Pirate and the alphabet Why does it take a pirate so long to finish saying the alphabet? Because they spend years at sea."

"Why did Popeye beat up the Pope? He heard he was going to Mount Olive"

"What do you get from a forgetful cow? Milk of amnesia!"

"Stay through the end of Hansel & Gretel to see Nick Fury kick Jeremy Renner out of The Avengers."

"The government closed my non-profit clean needle exchange because we were just wiping 'em off with an old rag."

"what did little billy get when he stumbled upon r/twoxchromosome? Cancer."

"I only drink to forget that my 4 year old daughter has an iPad Touch and I have to ask for her help when it's my turn to play on it."