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Joke of the Day

"The Pirate and the alphabet Why does it take a pirate so long to finish saying the alphabet? Because they spend years at sea."

"In case you wondered how much patience I have for questions today, I just told my 4-year-old the sky is blue because I said so."

"Out of all the things that go bump in the night... your parent's bed is definitely the scariest"

"If a woman drinks a glass of wine a day it increases the chance of a stroke. If you let her finish the bottle she'll probably suck it as well."

"It sounds like the dog's nails need trimming. Either that or she's off in the distance, typing, ""It was a dark and stormy night."""

"Daughter: Daddy, can you tell me a bedtime story? Me: Sure, once upon a time your mom & I used to get enough sleep. Then you came. The end."

"People tell me I have ADHD Wanna ride bikes?"

"Whenever I get a stack of job applications, I throw half of them in the garbage I don't want unlucky people working for me"

"You're in a bar and a guy throws a punch at you You can't even react back or TheFineBros will sue you."

"Did you know half your penis is inside you? If that's true, I'm all the way up to three inches."