42716

Joke of the Day

"A guy noticed his friend was late for work... ""Where have you been?"" he asked. ""To my mother-in-law's burial."" ""Then why the scratches on your face?"" ""She kept resisting, that old fart."""

"Doc: have you been displaying any symptoms of vampirism? Me: I've been.. Doc: ... Me: ... Doc: ... Me: ... Doc: ... Me: Coffin. Doc: get out"

"Just imagine how good prescription cheese would be."

"Hitler was a keen golfer..... He even wrote a book on it, it was titled 'How to get out of a bunker with one shot.'"

"Two types of people in the world.... Ones who pee in the shower, and motherf**kin liars"

"My wife is a big Tennis fan and was telling me how distracting she finds the constant grunting noises during the women's matches. I have promised her I will stop."

"How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it! How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way!"

"I sat on Santa's lap.. I asked for a bigger dick. He called his black brother-in-law."

"Chainsaws: because ""The Texas Weed-whacker Massacre"" just wasn't scary enough"

"Why do baked goods always have an urge for sex? Because they're in heat."