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Joke of the Day

"Two types of people in the world.... Ones who pee in the shower, and motherf**kin liars"

"Where did the witch get her furniture ? From the ideal gnome exhibition !"

"My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!"

"Bears spend a bunch of time getting fat, sleep for a few months and then wake up skinny. Being a human is terrible."

"What's the difference between garbanzo beans and chickpeas? I've never paid $200 to have a garbanzo bean in my mouth."

"My girlfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. I had to put my foot down."

"I would tell a mexican joke.. I would tell a Mexican joke but that would be crossing the border.."

"My boss dropped a pen, bent to pick it up, my b-ball instincts took over, I slapped his ass, said 'nice hustle' & now I need a new job."

"Why is there only a stairway to heaven but a highway to hell? Because of anticipated traffic numbers!"

"I ordered a pair of shoes delivered to my house. I'm too excited to wait at home so I'm camping out at the end of my street. Send snacks?"