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Joke of the Day

"[My relationship with TV] There's nothing on. *watches nothing for the next six hours."

"Why do men prefer blondes? Men always like intellectual company"

"Why is it bad to have a strong American dollar? It's harder to break bills."

"Wrapping gifts and one kid has more than the other so to even it up I hope she likes this bag of potatoes."

"I told my friend that I'm getting a divorce. ""What about the kids?"" he asked. I said, ""they're still together."""

"My girlfriend went to Florida She blew his whistle; It went down for real."

"My girlfriend says I'm an idiot with money. But I'm tellin' ya, she's wrong! I'm an idiot with no money!"

"How many of my ex-girlfriends does it take to change a lightbulb? One. Apparently she will screw anything."

"mom. Mom i'm going to get married. whom then. Jane form the next door. oho god.. you sure? where you going to live? Mom. Jane is Emo she doesnt want to live."

"911: What's your emergency? Me: I need several Ambuli stat! 911: Ambuli? Me: Yea plural for Ambulance 911: No its not Me: It should be"