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Joke of the Day

"911: What's your emergency? Me: I need several Ambuli stat! 911: Ambuli? Me: Yea plural for Ambulance 911: No its not Me: It should be"

"Q: Why did the blonde keep a empty carton of milk in the fridge? A: In case she wanted black coffee."

"Jurassic Park I was watching Jurassic park the other day, when I thought, ""not only does my son have a stupid name, but hes also a shit driver"""

"Q: Is Google a he or a she? A: A she, no doubt, because it wont let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas."

"What does a Muslim pirate say? Allahu Ackbarrrrr!"

"I can't. I'm busy tonight. I have to do laundry and block everyone who takes their engagement photos in a barn."

"What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? No one knows, he hasn't opened his presents yet."

"The year is 2030: All corporations have merged and every night before bed you say a prayer to your cable company."

"Jehovah's Witnesses are like testicles They come in pairs, one is always bigger than the other, they keep knocking on the door but never get in, and if they do, shits about to get freaky."

"Q: What does Clinton have in common with his Hollywood pals? A: They all make a living by lying to people."