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Joke of the Day
"Why was the blonde girl sitting on the roof? Someone told her drinks were on the house."
Next Joke
"NURSE: I promise. It's ok. You can come in. MAILMAN (trembling): are..are you sure DR DOG: *locked in his office just going freakin nuts*"
"Sometimes I think I'm a relatively smart person. Other times I put my shoes on before my pants and realize who I really am."
"What do you give an actor playing the role of an angry street gang member? Mad props..."
"There was a sense of accomplishment finishing the daily newspaper. I literally have no idea when I'm supposed to stop reading the internet."
"I don't date Left handed chicks cause you know, Lefty loosey Righty tighty."
"What's the problem with tipped cows? They can't MOOve"
"[NSFW] Why do hipsters like anal sex? Because it's indie ass!"
"What do you call a Canadian singer eating French mustard on the roof? Ceiling Dijon."
"Sex is a misdemeanor; the more I miss, the meaner I get!"