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Joke of the Day

"There was a sense of accomplishment finishing the daily newspaper. I literally have no idea when I'm supposed to stop reading the internet."

"What do you call a person that's not doing anything at a temple? An idle worshiper."

"How many blind men would it take to change a light bulb? Why the fuck would a blind man need a light bulb?"

"A fun prank if your roommate is a cartoon character is to draw clothes on the mirror so he leaves the house not realizing he's naked."

"What's the difference between eating pussy and smoking a cigarette? The taste changes the closer you get to the butt. *what do they have in common. soz about that"

"If you're doing nothing wrong, you have nothing to hide from the giant surveillance apparatus the government's been hiding."

"What's the best way to attract a pervert? The NSFW tag, you freak"

"""This went straight to my junk mail for some reason"" = ""I'm lying to you for some reason"""

"3 out of 4 voices in my head want to sleep. The other wants to know if penguins have knees."

"I went to go see the Vagina Monologues... I went to go see the Vagina Monologues/And all I got was a yeast infection."