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Joke of the Day

"Pregnancy test commercials would be a lot more relatable if the women in them cursed and cried."

"What was more important than the invention of the first telephone? The second telephone."

"A joke I made up yesterday . . . Relationships are like socks. They're cool with me, as long as they are the same color."

"What's the worst kind of media? chlamydia"

"so as I went in to vote this morning, an old lady told me to make sure I voted for the candidate that could make change. Boy, is my bank teller going to be surprised!"

"How do you grow a cow? Plant its nuts."

"How many women with PMS does it take to change a... just SHUT UP, OKAY! SHUT UP, (sobbing) SHUT UP, SHUT UP!"

"If I ever got the chance to go on ""Jeopardy,"" I'd just buzz in on every question and answer ""what is love?"" until they made me leave."

"My first wife was a great housekeeper. She kept both houses"

"What did the old Frankish barbarians say to the Roman invasion? [](/dumbfabric)""You don't have the *Gaul* to do it!"""