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Joke of the Day

"Pregnancy test commercials would be a lot more relatable if the women in them cursed and cried."

"Why aren't there many women on death row? Ladies first."

"The playwright wanted to make a play using only particles made from 2 quarks each. It was his meson scene."

"What do you call it again where you think of a tweet while you're offline so you have to say it out loud? Conversation?"

"A woman is on trial... ...for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge asks, ""First offender?"" The lady replies, ""No your honor. First a Gibson then a Fender."" Edit: Grammar."

"A race between two lesbians and two gays... from NY to FL who wins? NSFW? A - The Lesbians... they are doing 69 the whole way while the two gay guys are still getting their shit pack."

"Do you have any motivational books? Yeah, they're in the back. (long pause) Do you have any that are closer?"

"Doctor: Ted, you're dying, Patient: My name's not Ted. Doctor (checking clipboard): Linda, you're pregnant."

"Some people prefer to put the thermometer in their mouth, while others prefer it in their rectum. It's a matter of taste!"

"I think my husband cheated on me. Not one of our kids resembles him at all..."