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Joke of the Day

"Some people prefer to put the thermometer in their mouth, while others prefer it in their rectum. It's a matter of taste!"

"He only had a dollar... Did you hear about the guy who went to the dentist to get new dentures? His insurance was denied and he only had a dollar on him...so he wound up with buck teeth."

"My girlfriend has a twin I asked for a threesome once and amazingly she said yes! Not only was her twin better looking but he was an all round great guy as well"

"Can't you just live in the moment, Phil? Every time we kill a bison or light a fire you have to draw it in a cave with your fancy stick."

"I was about to sleep with a blind girl when she said, ""You have the biggest penis I've ever laid my hands on""... I responded, ""You're pulling my leg."""

"Wish a poltergeist would move in so there'd be someone else to blame when I lose my shit."

"The best way to run into that hot person you've been dying to talk to is to leave the house looking the worst you possibly can."

"What did one ocean say to the other one? Nothing. They just waved..."

"How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? None. They've already screwed everything"

"I think the only thing Fox News hasn't yet accused Michael Brown of is stealing Darren Wilson's bullets. #ferguson"