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Joke of the Day

"Saw @justinbieber on a piece of toast. Am I going to hell?"

"My wife: Are you ever going to stop quoting ""Gangstas Paradise""? Me: The way things are going I don't know"

"I saw a midget carrying a TV to his car I asked him: ""Do you need some help carrying that plasma?"" He said: ""Fuck off asshole, it's an iPad"""

"I've been running as fast as I can, but I still can't catch my breath."

"My wife calls my penis Nicolas Cage It's highly temperamental and tends to go off for no reason at all."

"What do Mexican Zombies eat? Re-fried brains."

"I destroyed the garden yesterday. Thankfully I'm off the antibiotics Monday."

"What do you call it when a cow goes on holiday? A vaccation"

"Looks like the UK didn't read the fine print when cutting off ties with the EU... You Brexit, you bought it."

"How do you see fish semen? You Blow-Fish!"