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Joke of the Day

"My wife calls my penis Nicolas Cage It's highly temperamental and tends to go off for no reason at all."

"A procrastinator and a depressed man walk into a bar... Depressed man: I'm driving straight off a bridge tonight. Procrastinator: I've been telling myself that for weeks."

"I just watched ""the Martian"" - What an unrealistic movie... ...Sean Bean survives."

"I walked into a room full of people masturbating They looked surprised when I didn't stop"

"One time I got so nervous when a guy took off his pants in front of me I said ""friggity diggity"" please do not rt"

"What's a panda's favorite drink? Fanta."

"Biden: can i put whoopee cushions under all the chairs before he gets here Obama: joe im on the phone Biden:*muttering* u didnt say not to"

"What's a Jews favorite beer? Bud Light L'Chaim (Pronounced like Lime, guys)"

"What did the Terminator say when he decided to take up piano? I'll be bach."

"I used to work with this black lady who had one arm and one leg... ...we called her Elbony"