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Joke of the Day

"My wife: Are you ever going to stop quoting ""Gangstas Paradise""? Me: The way things are going I don't know"

"What do you call a woman that won't make a sandwich? An ambulance."

"There was once a zoo that only had one animal: a dog. It was a pretty Shitzu."

"Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked his problems out with a pencil."

"Two rules I live by #1 Never Take No for an Answer #2 No means No"

"How do most women like their eggs? Ovarie-z"

"What do you call a septic cat? pussy."

"I don't have enough confidence in plumbing to get a drink of water from the faucet while the toilet is flushing."

"[unleashes dog at dog park] me: don't embarrass me now dog: i won't *sees pretty girl* me: hi, i'm dog: he drinks wine through a straw"

"CNN reporting that CNN will be reporting something on CNN. Tune in to CNN for all of the up-to-the-minute stuff CNN is reporting."