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Joke of the Day

"A man goes to join the navy Instructor- Do you know how to swim? Man-wait...they don't provide ships?"

"[Shark Tank] an armadillo clock that rolls away so you gotta get up to turn off the alarm Sounds dum- It's called the Alarmadillo OMG SOLD"

"My doctor says I should lose 10 lbs and work out more. But why? Spanx launched a men's line."

"Last month, I asked my dad if I could get a tattoo. He told me to get it somewhere that didn't matter, so I got it done in Oklahoma."

"How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them."

"I've had second thoughts about masturbation... On one hand, it feels great. On the other hand, you don't feel a thing."

"It's a shame Laremy Tunsil fell in the draft... But he was still the highest pick!"

"I was grinding on a girl in a club last night and she said to me, ""Will you please take your skateboard and f#ck off!"""

"*registering with a doctor* Receptionist: ""Thanks for filling in the form - you've missed the next of kin section"" *batman runs out crying*"

"I met a girl with 12 nipples today... ..sounds fun, dozen tit!"