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Joke of the Day

"*watches a movie with you* *loudly beeps during all the good parts*"

"As the news breaks of the passing of Michele Ferrero... I can't help but shed a chocolatier."

"Q: How do you keep a ghoul from biting his nails? A: Replace the nails with screws."

"The ending of ""Romeo and Juliet"" is only sad if you think two fourteen year-olds should have gotten married."

"The guy I've been paying to pick up poop in my backyard just realized that I don't own any animals."

"So the UK Government can now read my internet history... So I guess the only way I'm ever seeing tentacle porn again is if I take a shitload of LSD and watch Spongebob. Cruel world."

"What's the difference between a plastic tube and an adjustable spanner ? Both of em are in plastic, except for the adjustable spanner"

"I lost out at the S&M; Awards, but it was an honor just to be dominated."

"The idea that someone would be upset NOT to be invited to a wedding is so confusing to me."

"Why didn't anyone care about the circus? Because it was irr-elephant"