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Joke of the Day

"What's the best part about being an alcoholic stand-up comedian? If you're good you get laughs, and if you're bad you get booze."

"I don't get why people say ""They were busting their ass""? Wasn't it already cracked to begin with?"

"All my tattoos pretty much mean the same thing. I had money to blow."

"Chicken and the Egg were sitting in bed. The Egg looks at the Chicken and says, ""we sure answered THAT question."""

"She can't wrestle... But I'd love to see her box."

"How do you make a woman scream for an hour after sex? You wipe your dick with her pillow"

"The other day I was mocking my wife, ""Why do you wear a bra? You've got nothing to put in it.""...... Fucking bitch replied, ""You wear briefs, don't you?"""

"What's the matter? Hydrogen, mostly."

"I've always wondered what mothballs smelled like. But I could never get their tiny legs apart to find out."

"""Son, I want to let you know that you were adopted. ""What?! Really?!"", I said. ""Yep! Go pack your things and get ready"", my dad said. ""They'll be here to pick you up in twenty minutes."""