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Joke of the Day
"Why is it so hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs? They're always taking things...literally."
Next Joke
"The projected sales figur- *phone buzzes* the proj- *buzzes again* *checks phone* Excuse me for a moment gentelmen I'm being owned online"
"Had a breakthrough with my therapist yesterday. Never seen a man cry like that before."
"Describe yourself in three words. I am a rebel."
"The 3yo insisted on helping me put all the laundry away. It's only taken us 6 hours & 10 minutes & apparently pants go in the fridge now."
"You know I'm glad there are women in the world... Otherwise life would be a pain in the ass."
"something we all think is funny. Everybody thinks a pussy fart is funny, right?"
"The world has gotten so politically correct that I don't know what is appropriate to throw at a crying baby in a restaurant anymore."
"When grammar nazis correct me, I start to make errors on purpose to mess with them. You can say I'm passive, aggressive."
"Help me Obi Wan Kenobi. You're my only Never mind. Batman's here."