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Joke of the Day

"How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? One, and ten people to stand around clapping and saying ""Aww, how brave."""

"I once mowed the lawn at a battered women's shelter if you know what i mean"

"A communist tells his friend before going to bed, ""I'm going to take a nap."" He wakes up as a libertarian."

"According to this BMI chart I am too short."

"My orgasm face looks like I'm opening a jar of pickles."

"""HONEY, MY TOOTHBRUSH IS MOVING!"" ""Has it got ears?"" ""YEAH."" ""Tail?"" ""YEAH."" ""Is it the dog?"" ""I THINK I KNOW THE DIFF--AH IT BIT ME AGAIN!"""

"I accidentally inhaled some soap when I was washing my face and then I coughed and no bubbles came out. Cartoons are full of shit."

"I bet when Kanye was little he played tag by himself, then argued with himself on whether he was tagged or not."

"Best Depiction of a Dystopian Past or Future Full of Really Attractive People #NewOscarCategories"

"I was wondering why the football was getting bigger... Then it hit me."