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Joke of the Day

"Teens are leaving FB for Twitter & Instagram to escape parents. Silly rabbits, we were here first."

"Why do the people in front of me at the ATM always seems to be having some sort of damn major financial crisis?"

"What is the difference between Hitler and a car? A car can finish a race"

"I have a crush on a girl with a lazy eye But she won't even look at me.."

"Why aren't there any introverted suicide bombers? They have a hard time sharing what's inside with strangers."

"I haven't swam competitively since I was a sperm."

"[grocery shopping] ""Actually it should be 15 items or FEWER"" I'll fix that sir [grabs mic] CUSTOMER NEEDS HELP FINDING EXTRA SMALL CONDOMS"

"You're wrong! I touched second base. I missed third... but I touched second."

"Things that we wished were delivered 1. Taco Bell 2. OP 3."

"When did John McEnroe arrive at Wimbledon? About tennish."