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Joke of the Day

"And the Lord said to John "" Come forth and you shall receive eternal life"" But John came fifth and won a toaster Credits: An ask Reddit post"

"A lot of the parents at my kids' school don't really seem into sharing a laugh about the inescapability of death."

"""Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs"" could also describe every menu item at Olive Garden."

"What do you call a retarded five year old chained to a slab with his asshole lubed up? ""Daddy."""

"Why don't snakes have balls? ... because they would look like dicks."

"Tonight I made some synonym rolls Just like Grammar used to make"

"No thanks, newborn babies of literally any species on planet Earth. Come back when you're less pink & rubbery & can loan me thirty dollars."

"There's Gold in them teeth! - Prospector in a rap studio"

"Last time I did drugs I dated an All-In-One Printer for 3 days, so no thank you."

"People come up to me all the time in the street and they ask me, they ask me: ""Say, Paul, what's the Mahabharata?"" And I say to them, I say, ""Oh, just a bit of light reading."""