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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a retarded five year old chained to a slab with his asshole lubed up? ""Daddy."""

"Watch Forrest Gump *feel inspired *toss orthotics out, go for jog *1/2 block later, keel over and die next to shit happens bumper sticker"

"What is the difference between a Poodle and a Pitbull? If the Pitbull starts humping your leg he gets to finish."

"A man breaks into a pharmacy and kills the pharmacists... He then steals as much medicine as he can carry and runs off. Police say it was the first known case of a modern day pillage."

"Why was the ghost late to the halloween party? He had to take a sheet."

"What did the gentleman say to the doctor when he went to get his pus drained? Please! I in cyst!"

"My church was going to have a sermon on prophecy today... but it was cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances."

"What do you call a cow masterbating? Beef strokinoff"

"Experiment: text your parents ""got 2 grams for $40"" then right after ""Sorry ignore that txt. Not for you"" Then tweet pic of their response."

"A man contemplates if it's worth masturbating now so he can last longer in bed later. It will come in handy."