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Joke of the Day

"Ancient cryptic thrice-translated self-contradictory texts are the best way to convey moral precepts."

"How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends how hard you throw them."

"Yur mom is so fat When she blow her nose chicken nuggets come out."

"I like my women like my wine, 12 years old and Locked in a cellar Edit: u wot m8 I fixed grammar"

"I hate it when gross couples tell you they're trying for a baby and you have to picture them fucking for a second."

"Things that just weren't meant to be heated in a microwave: lettuce, mustaches, avocados, sarcasm, other microwaves, oranges. And that's it."

"I just became a Catholic recently... I still don't understand why we have to keep sitting down, standing up and kneeling. I wish the priest would just pick a position and fuck me!"

"One-One was a race horse, Two-Two was one too One-One won one race and Two-Two's leg was broken and he had to get euthanized."

"Our parenting style can best be described as: Bad cop, Bozo cop"

"Mazda's marketing slogan is ""We Build Mazdas."" They decided on it after rejecting others like: ""Mazdas Are Cars"" and ""Buy Mazdas With Money"""