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Joke of the Day

"You get home from work early. You walk into the kitchen and your dog is peeling a potato. Startled, she yells ""IT'S JUST A POTATO!"" #ambien"

"My wife was cremated after her death. Also during."

"Hillary Clinton's recent case of pneumonia just goes to show There's only one candidate who can dodge a draft."

"What is your favorite ""My dick is so big.."" joke? Mine is, ""My dick is so big that, at the movie theater, popcorn comes in small, medium, large and my dick."""

"Epic Tragedy Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning."

"Out of embarrassment, I just told a train passenger I'm crying cos my bf dumped me. Real reason is I'm listening to the Lion King soundtrack"

"Shark Who Attacked Surfer: ""I Was Just Trying To Impress My Girlfriend"""

"Why did the Nazi fraulein move to Budapest? She heard there were hung Aryans."

"What does a Mexican use to cut pizza with? Little Caesars!"

"What is the easiest way for a stressed astronaut to unwind and decompress? By opening the door."