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Joke of the Day

"[request] Having a hard time remembering a joke. Please help. A guy goes to a doctor. The punch line is said in a really surprised tone ""THE DOCTOR WAS A WOMAN!"" Thank you in advance."

"What buzzes is black and yellow and goes along the bottom of the sea ? A bee in a submarine !"

"My New Year's resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall. And I plan on sticking to it."

"Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? The pizza doesn't scream when it's being shoved into an oven"

"I really should learn to say ""congratulations"" instead of ""are you keeping it?"""

"I'm glad Lassie wasnt my dog. I just want to watch TV, I don't want to be constantly rescuing people."

"There are two ways to trigger a nuclear chain reaction: ... The first involves hitting uranium with accelerated protons. The second is mentioning Hillary and Feminism in one sentence."

"If i get a rat tail... If i get a rat tail on my chinese food, should i complain or is it on the house?"

"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who's trying to get home? A taxi"

"What happens when a carpenter drinks with his wife? He gets hammered and she gets nailed."