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Joke of the Day
"I think I'm a mushroom Everyone keeps me in the dark and feeds me bullshit."
Next Joke
"How is Hillary Clinton and a high class prostitute different? Rich people pay the prostitute to fuck them, they pay Hillary Clinton to fuck everyone else."
"I bought some shoes from my drug dealer... But I don't think they were laced because I've been tripping all day."
"*first day as almond milk factory worker* where the tiddies at"
"People who get offended when I breast feed publicly can fuck off What I'm doing is totally natural and strengthens the relationship between me and my dog"
"One day I'll cure deafness... You hear me!"
"I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole."
"What do lesbian couples do once a month? Finger paint."
"I can honestly say that the ""Just Say No!"" approach kept me completely drug free throughout my youth. Whenever I saw a group of kids doing drugs and I asked if I could try some, they just said ""No!"""
"A guy walks into a bar... He should have ducked."