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Joke of the Day

"""Do you ever get the feeling you're being watched?"" [from the bushes] ""No"""

"The worst part of kissing a perfect 10.... is how cold the mirror feels on your lips."

"I still say a wasp's nest chucked through the window would be the ideal way to end any hostage situation. Nobody's hanging around in there."

"Set your phone alarm to a song you hate. You won't hit snooze, because then you'd have to hear Nickelback again."

"My wife dared me to yell out ""HURRY UP HAYDEN"" at Disney World. Now we have 27 blonde boys & 8 girls following us like Children of the Corn."

"The moral of World War 2 Two wrong don't make a right, but three Reichs make a left"

"You don't need Crossfit if you have to get to the mailbox and back whilst avoiding mosquitoes the size of chihuahuas."

"How do you know your girlfriend's getting fat? She fits in your wife's clothes."

"My boobs are nice so I don't have to be."

"Where is the best place to hide a lawyer? In a brief case."