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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the woman who got wooden implants? It would be funny if this joke had a punchline. Wooden tit."

"When I was in my twenties we didn't have hipsters we had AIDS, which was almost as bad."

"[taking communion at church] I'm a recovering alcoholic do you have any actual blood?"

"I'm taking a course where we learn about crackpots. It's called Psychoceramics."

"Just found out today that the barber of my neighborhood got arrested for selling drugs. I'm shocked! I was his customer for years and didn't know he cut hair!"

"I'm going to the hospital tomorrow...not because I'm sick, but because they have free pudding if you're fast enough."

"If they could bottle how good it feels to take off your bra, that would sell for more than any expensive wine."

"[Staring deep into David Schwimmer's eyes] ""I'm afraid I only like you as a Friend"""

"Do you know what the kid with no hands got for Christmas? Me neither. He couldn't open his presents."

"The deadliest Knock Knock joke... [PERSON 1] Knock knock [PERSON 2] Who's there? [PERSON 1] You know... [PERSON 2] You know who [PERSON 2] AVADA KEDAVRA!!!"