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Joke of the Day

"There will never be a 'Previously on' preview where my stoner husband doesn't say, 'We've seen this one.'"

"They read them up side down Why don't bats enjoy r/jokes?"

"How many factory farmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they would rather keep you in the dark!"

"We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris."

"ME: will it hurt? DR: u ever been stung by like, 500 bees? ME: omg no! DR: ok. that's not what it's gonna feel like. I was just wondering"

"I saw an old couple sharing a newspaper and was like ""oh wow maybe marriage is cool"" and then the lady said ""STOP BREATHING ON ME"""

"Why did the composer go to the chiropractor? Because he had Bach problems"

"""Hey Barack"" ""yes Joe?"" ""I bet T-Rex's took terrible selfies"" ""Ok Joe"" ""Because they had..."" ""Short arms Joe, yes. I get it. I get it buddy"""

"little son knows How to scare parents? Dad: ""Can I see your report card, son?"" Son: ""I don't have it."" Dad: ""Why?"" Son: ""I gave it to my friend. He wanted to scare his parents."""

"Ya know, I've never taken an ugly girl to bed... Woke up with a few though."