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Joke of the Day

"My jeans say ""no more Christmas goodies"" but my leggings are like ""we got you, gurrrl"""

"A tiny Shaquille o Neil inside a footlong sub lookin up at you and crying cuz he don't wanna be eaten"

"Sometimes when I'm drunk, I put on a trench coat, lurk around the shadows and pretend I'm the host from Unsolved Mysteries"

"The Japanese believe the color of a person's aura changes to cyan before they die. Cyan-Aura"

"If a bend in a shoreline creates a large ocean inlet, but no one is around to hear it, does it still make a sound? ... think about it."

"How do you make a hamburger green? Find a yellow cheeseburger and mix it with a blue one!"

"Moaning and gasping ""Give it to me baby!"" during a prostate exam will leave you looking for a new doctor. Anybody know one?"

"""I just love a girl in uniform"" Appropriate on the battlefield, but not at your local schoolyard."

"I'm going to a medieval wedding and I need some one liners."

"[after robots take over] *drones crash into my kitchen* ME: [mouthful of ham] whobithrayed me? *fridge starts laughing* BUT U WERE MY FABRIT"