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Joke of the Day

"Hitting the gym to release stress it's not nearly effective as hitting the cunt that causes the fucking stress"

"If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it's considered responsible. But if you do that with your gf, it's called ""cheating."""

"I got mugged by 6 dwarves... .... not Happy."

"Do all Toyota Priuses come with Obama '08 stickers already on them?"

"<gets on elevator > Pushes all the buttons Hugs everyone Prays out loud that we're not going to die Gets off at the 2nd floor Laughs"

"I'm not saying you're a jackass but... You're the kind of guy who would buy Anne Frank a drum set."

"They say the camera adds ten pounds. I knew this all camera diet was bad for me. They're just so delicious."

"If you haven't logged onto Facebook for awhile, Judy Ann Ross from 10th grade algebra is enjoying a chicken salad sandwich right now."

"I'm allergic to football fields They send me into NFLactic shock."

"You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls."