39759
Joke of the Day
"Sex is like pizza. My wife won't let me have it until I lose weight."
Next Joke
"Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That's why most women wear makeup and most men lie."
"Waiter: how do you want your burger? Me: *points to girl at another table not taking a picture of her dinner* that rare"
"What is a Skywalker's preferred temperature? Lukewarm. I'll show myself out."
"What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom"
"The only thing more important than your happiness is mine so get on it."
"I got fired from work on pajama day... It's not my fault I sleep naked."
"my 10 year high school reunion is in August which means I have 2 months to lose 40 pounds and get engaged to Michael Cera"
"I like my coffee like I like slaves.... Free."
"They said I'd miss my family I never miss at close range."