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Joke of the Day

"The only thing more important than your happiness is mine so get on it."

"Having a wife and daughters, I try bottles in the shower until I find one that doesn't burn my balls and wash myself all over with that one."

"#HowToAvoidPoliticsAtDinner bring up something less controversial, like religion."

"You know the difference between my birthday and a courtroom? My dad shows up at a courtroom."

"If you've seen one lion attack you've seen a maul"

"How to Fall Down the Stairs Step 1 Step 3 Step 7, 9, 11, 13"

"Scanned a customer in the eyes with a barcode reader for being rude to me.... ...should have seen the look on his face, it was priceless"

"All life is precious. Unless you're an accountant, then you welcome sweet death."

"Sometimes programming gets dirty... holes[h].insert(new Objects.ConcretePillar(), new Vec2());"

"Two mormons walk into a bar Have a drink, talk to some ladies, do some blow, have sex, then wake up and leave the Mormon religion."