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Joke of the Day

"My family doesn't get together a lot during the holidays. We see each other enough throughout the year at all the interventions."

Next Joke
 
"A lot of people look at Russian roulette as a negative game, but statistically it's actually one of the only games you can't lose twice"
"*goes to grocery store *puts ""gently used"" sticker on all their cucumbers"
"A good girl bends at the knees... A great girl bends at the hip."
"Hehe My ewife still misses me BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER"
"Daddy, did you ever eat cat food when you were little? ""Yeah, but it didn't taste very good."" She smiled and nodded, ""I know, it taste like dog food."" *A recent conversation I had with my daughter*"
"Forgot to turn on the oven. Food's been in there for 45mins. I know, cause I set the timer."
"What's black, covered in teeth marks and no longer in use? Philip Seymour Hoffman's belt."
"What do you call... What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs? A small arms dealer."
"What's the maximum velocity while having sex? 68, cause at 69 you flip over"