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Joke of the Day

"I'm reading a book about poltergeists. It's a real page turner."

"The USA condemns unprovoked invasion of a sovereign nation."

"A fun thing to do when someone shows you a picture of their new baby is to look confused and just say ""I don't get it?"""

"What do you see when the pillsbury doughboy bends over? Doughnuts"

"My ex and I didn't work out, you could say our stars didn't align I'm a Cancer she was a cunt. She was anything but a Virgo, and her Pisces smelt like a Taurus."

"How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they would just beat the room for being dark."

"Someone said to me today that my clothes are gay. I said yeah, they came out of the closet this morning."

"Me: *cleans kitchen and does laundry Wife: looks like someone is getting lucky Me: 1 hour of uninterrupted Call of Duty? W: Yes Me: WOOHOO!"

"What is the most said band name during the holidays? U2"

"How do you make the best Americanized Chinese food? Like Tso."