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Joke of the Day

"So, I just found out I got some black guys in my family tree... Went to the backyard and found them still hanging there."

"An oldie for the road This randomly popped into my head at work and as I started saying it, my boss finished it. *Twats* that? I *cunt* hear you. *Tits* okay. I'll *finger* it out later."

"[Stock market crashes] ""Oh no, I better check on my investments!"" *opens cupboard over top of the sink* [1000s of Shrek dvds fall out]"

"I upset a Jehovah's Witness at work today... ...they started telling me a knock-knock joke, but I wouldn't answer."

"""Honey,can u make the dinner reservations for 3 instead of 2 tonight? Debby's coming"" ""We're not bring ur new chainsaw-"" ""HER NAME'S DEBBY"""

"What does the Chinese government call an American with a PhD in physics, math and chemistry? STUPID AMERICAN!"

"So, I measured my penis with one of those digital rulers... ...Anyone know how to convert LOL into inches?"

"I like my women how I like my coffee without another man's penis in it."

"What happens when you try to eat a fist full of rice? YOU GET KNOCKED OUT!!!"

"I think it's weird that characters in comic strips always recite the alphabet to fall asleep... ...But it's even weirder that they always time it exactly fucking perfect."