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Joke of the Day

"What's your best mattress joke? Trying to win a new mattress in a contest and I need a clean mattress joke to win (dumb, I know)"

"Marijuana doesn't kill your brain cells. You're just an idiot."

"Why was the dyslexic rabbit disappointed when he received the solid gold bar he had ordered via the internet? He thought the ad said '24 carrots'"

"Sell a man a fish... Sell a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, miss our on a wonderful business opportunity."

"How's the elevator business? It has it's ups and downs."

"I saw a very odd Middle Eastern market the other day. It was quite bazaar."

"I'm starting a support group for people who think they are mortgages. The most important thing is for them to realize that they are not a loan."

"""Grampa, how did you support gay marriage? Did you march like civil rights ppl?"" ""No. Marching's hard. I tweeted about it."""

"Q. What do Robin Williams and Joan Rivers want for Christmas? A. Betty White."

"My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me."