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Joke of the Day

"I used a vaccum cleaner inside of an elevator It sucked on so many levels..."

"Confucius say lucky girl is girl who meets boy in park; Confucius say lucky boy is boy who parks meat in girl."

"How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? You put it in the microwave until its bill withers."

"[3am] *nudges wife* No way the old guy blew up all those balloons in Up in 1 night. Honey, you awake? I mean he's like a million years old."

"I just got in touch with my inner self today http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/2xs04j/today_i_got_in_touch_with_my_inner_self/"

"What does a good bar and a good woman have in common? Liquor in the front poker in the back."

"Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in the way that they are looking forward to it."

"I pointed to hub's hearing aid and said is that thing on? He said ""yes, I am just trying to figure out what the hell you are saying"""

"This tweet has been brought to you by... ...Stay Free Maxi-pads... ...When your uterine lining looks like the elevator from The Shining."

"Here's $10. Drink until I am really good looking, then come and talk to me."