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Joke of the Day

"Yesterday it was so hot that my gun started overheating. It was sweating bullets."

"My wife came home to me cheating on her. I don't know which surprised her more; the fact that I was fucking our daughter, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her."

"Rectum.. ...damn near killed 'em!"

"You know why it's women and children first off of a sinking ship? It's so that the men can have some peace and quiet to figure out a solution."

"My white cat has been beating up my black cat a lot lately so I guess he's been reading the news and knows he won't get punished for it."

"WHEN DO WE STOP COUNTING BACKWARDS I'M AT LIKE NEGATIVE 42,360"

"What do you call an Egyptian surprise attack? A Tut offensive."

"Guys, I know Charlie Sheen isn't winning right now. But at least he's positive."

"I'm so glad I was young and stupid before there were camera phones."

"If I swollow A weener whole, will it come out the same way? I feel like it would be really good if that happened."