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Joke of the Day

"My white cat has been beating up my black cat a lot lately so I guess he's been reading the news and knows he won't get punished for it."

"My therapist advised me to feed and water my kids and cook my plants 3 meals a day. And something about listening."

"How do you make a song better using cement? By remixing it."

"First date Her: So what do you do? Him: I'm currently trying to eliminate all cancers Her: Wow, impressive Him: Then I'll move on to Virgos"

"I added Paul Walker on xbox the other day... Too bad he spends all his time on the dashboard. *Courtesy of my cousin*"

"Why do they keep records of people who died due to alcohol, but not the records of people who were born thanks to it?"

"What do you call a bad hair day for Donald Trump? A real toupee in the ass."

"What separates the men from the boys? Operation Yewtree."

"What do you call a bunch of gay guys in a bowl for breakfast? Queerios"

"[traffic jam] MAN: [rolls down window] Dude, why? ME: [in the next car holding a rabbit as it repeatedly kicks the horn] It's his birthday"