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Joke of the Day

"Rise and shine all the beautiful women of the world. Ugly women, go back to sleep, your time is coming, at night."

"The NHL's ability to punish players."

"What's the difference between mad cow disease and PMS? Nothing."

"I'm starting to think that the gym isn't really for me. I went this morning and laid down on the mat to do some sit-ups. I woke up 2 hours later."

"Last call for me is when my phone is at 10% battery."

"Rick Astley asked to borrow my Pixar collection. I said ""Rick, you can have Toy Story, Cars & Finding Nemo but I'm never gonna give you Up"""

"I love to view /r/gonewild albums in reverse and watch lonely women regain their dignity."

"Why did Beethoven love playing low notes. Higher notes weren't worth the the treble."

"Teacher: You're here to learn. Me: No bitch, I'm here because my mum wouldn't let me stay home."

"What's the richest kind of air? A millionaire."