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Joke of the Day

"Last call for me is when my phone is at 10% battery."

"Didn't u hate it when as a kid u got the ""mystery flavor"" lollipop & the mystery ended up being that your parents got divorced (Or lemon)?"

"Ladies, the next time a guy has the courage to talk to you, remember he's not wearing makeup. Also, remember what you look like without it."

"Did you hear about the riot at the bar mitzvah reception? There were mazel tov cocktails everywhere!"

"Is it just me, or are there other people?"

"An angry teenager from a Catholic home began dressing as a monk to mock his parents' faith. When asked by a friend how her son had been, the boy's mother replied, ""Well, he's been-a-dick-teen lately."""

"*guy struggling to pick his teeth with a toothpick* Narrator: Don't you wish there were a better way? -commercial for business cards"

"Momma bird: welcome to the world! Baby bird: thx! M: for the next few months instead of food, I'ma just throw up in your mouth. B: wait what"

"Helen Keller walks into a bar... Then she walks into a table. Then she walks into a chair."

"Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs? So they're not confused with feminist. Sorry."