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Joke of the Day

"Rick Astley asked to borrow my Pixar collection. I said ""Rick, you can have Toy Story, Cars & Finding Nemo but I'm never gonna give you Up"""

"You know a girl is mad when she starts off her sentence saying, ""I just find it funny how..."" because there's a 99.9% chance she did not find it funny."

"Irritating friend: I passed your house yesterday. Me: Thanks. I really appreciate that."

"Catch 22: I bought a protein shake but am not strong enough to twist the cap off."

"An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I left it in my shirt and my mother put it in the washing machine"

"If I owned a pet store Id put a different rat in the turtle cage every night just to see if any of the turtles knew karate the next morning."

"And the Lord said unto John... ""Come forth and you will receive eternal life."" But John came fifth, and he won a toaster."

"How do you throw a party in Nigeria? You stick a piece of bread to the ceiling"

"I found a butterfly without wings... So I poured some RedBull on it and BAM... It drowned."

"I saw a black man walking with a TV... ...I thought, ""Hey, that's mine!!"" But then I remembered, mine was tied up in the backyard."