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Joke of the Day

"The one place you don't want to move to ...is any place with a thriving funeral buisness"

"I've been watching women's volleyball and there has already been an injury... But I'll be ok by monday."

"Last night I was at the bar and this guy kept yelling ""bastard"" at his pint of beer. It's never nice to witness substance abuse."

"I think that Stephen Hawking is a con man.... My sister is in a wheelchair and she's as thick as shit!"

"Why do Women rub their eyes when they wake up? (NSFW) A: They don't have balls to scratch!!"

"When walking behind someone at night, let them know you're not dangerous by yelling ""DO NOT FEAR ME"" very loudly"

"Do you know what a sex stone is? It's just a fucking rock."

"Someone tweets ""pizza,"" I want pizza. Someone tweets ""donut,"" I want a donut. Someone tweets ""kale,"" I want pizza and a donut."

"I hate my job at the crematorium But at last I urn a paycheck."

"Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? The food is good, but the atmosphere is terrible."