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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? The food is good, but the atmosphere is terrible."

"Why did the geologist get divorced? He took his wife for granite."

"What do you call a musical wreath made from $100 bills? Aretha Franklins"

"""Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain."" - me, peeping at you in the shower"

"6/6/14 Dear Diary - Today was really great. Got a job as an intern with the CIA and sent a cool tweet. 6/7/14 Dear Diary - Guantanamo sucks."

"People that study meteors are called weatherologists"

"I've perfected an AI as a substitute to a girlfriend. Every time I try to turn it on I get the silent treatment and there are no output to tell me what's wrong."

"A Chinese man goes to the eye doctor And the doctor says ""you have a cataract"" The Chinese man replys ""no I have a Rinkin continental"" Stolen from Gilbert Gottfried."

"Little Johnny asked one day, ""Mommy can little girls give birth?"" ""No son. Of course not"" ""Oh OK... Hey Susie! Its OK to keep playing the game now!"""

"My left hand is dominant. Sometimes it spanks my right one."