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Joke of the Day

"Why did the prostitute get a vagina implanted in her hip? She wanted to make some money on the side."

"I used to sanitize my son's bottles and Lysol his toys. Then I caught him chewing on the dog's tail."

"[panting, 5 minutes into sex] It's okay, just go on without me"

"What do you call a loonie answering questions on reddit? DollarAMA. *Only Canadians will get it, sorry."

"*gets taste of own medicine* Yep this is my medicine"

"What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? A porcupine keeps its pricks on the OUTSIDE"

"Just thinking up snappy comebacks to painful conversations I had 22 years ago. What are YOU doing?"

"What do you call an economics lecturer? Prof. it"

"In German, the imperative is formed by opening your mouth and speaking German."

"Everybody laughed when I told them I was going to become a comedian They're not laughing now!"