38832

Joke of the Day

"Reddit's telling me not to spoil the Star Wars movie for anyone... ... too bad my fantasies were already spoiled when Disney bought the rights."

"Follow your dreams. Unless you're a narcoleptic who wants to be a limo driver. That's dangerous, dude."

"If my third grade teacher hasn't taught me that little rhyme about spelling.... I'd still be spelling cieling and nieghbor wrong."

"Me: Hi, officer. I saw you coming up the driveway. Cop: (sadly) Your son has been in an accident. Me: I FLUSHED ALL MY DRUGS FOR THAT?!"

"What did the Sadist do to the Masochist? Nothing."

"This Job Fair sucks, it doesn't even have rides."

"What do you call a man with no arms or legs in water? Bob"

"I am a 60 year old stuck in an 8 year old body . I want to break free . I should've used more lube."

"Narcissism It's in your best self interest."

"Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best friend? Because they're both cauldron"