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Joke of the Day

"Martin Luther King Day White's Sale."

"Because of my thyroid condition, my parents made me join a support group as a kid. This one time, at gland camp..."

"Latvian man goes to buy iPhone.. Premise ridiculous! iPhone cannot be use to farm potato. Also, salesman die of malnourish."

"Why is ten afraid of nine? Because nine ate seven! *heh heh*"

"I remember how my uncle died.. Driving an 18 wheeler rig down a long, icy road in the pitch black with no working headlights. He swerved and suddenly BAM! Cancer."

"I just dropped my iPhone in liquor, and now Siri is slurring her words, won't stop talking, stumbling and trying to have sex with me."

"Thou puny pottle-deep joithead! You tell em Shakespeare!"

"I am the janitor of the World Trade center back in 2001 - AmA Edit: Wow this *blew* up."

"""Stop hitting me."" -Rock bottom."

"[on date] Ok, don't let her know ur a vampire. Her: I think I'll have a steak. A STAKE?? [turns into bat and flies away]"