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Joke of the Day

"I was so bored last night I decided to make a belt out of all my watches It was a complete waist of time"

"If you can start the toilet paper roll without clawing it like a velociraptor then you're a wizard."

"In Hell, someone is constantly vacuuming while you're trying to explain directions to an old man."

"do these four empty jars of nutella make me look fat?"

"Why do geologists perform so well during intercourse? They really know how to make bedrock."

"Internet speeds would be a lot faster if it wasn't for all the bandwidth hogs watching their cats sleep by webcam."

"STEP UP? Ive got a step ladder,I never really knew my real ladder"

"I don't think Twitter's real. I think I'm in a mall in 1987 listening to ""I Think We're Alone Now"" & my mind invented Twitter to protect me."

"When a woman asks you to guess her age, it's like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb."

"Bodyguard Idea: Clowns. No one will come anywhere near you."