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Joke of the Day

"I have never seen a thin person drinking Diet Coke."

"HER: I'd invite you in, but I never kill on a first date ME: kill? HER: haha I meant kiss stupid autocorrect ME: we are talking out loud"

"Can I major in Life Hacks? Why not, I've already got two degrees that could be less useful."

"At the school for the hearing impaired... ...no one can hear you scream!"

"If I win Powerball, I'm having at least six of you killed. Four of you know who you are. I think the other two will be very surprised."

"What happened to the brain eating zombie that went to Washington? He starved to death."

"Boy: Do you like parties? Girl: Yes, why? Boy: Well then jump in my pants and have a ball!"

"My girlfriend is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with Italian food. I wouldn't put it pasta."

"What were Luke Skywalker's favourite model cars to play with as a kid? Toyodas"

"I have this idea tell me what you think? I say that we start the NBDBL (National blind dodge ball league) and then televise it. What are your thoughts on this?"