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Joke of the Day

"I was in the living room and a book fell on my head. I've only got my shelf to blame."

"People who say everything happens for a reason should remember that when I punch them in the face."

"When someone tells me about a book they've read, I pretentiously say, ""Oh, I don't even own a book."""

"A Response To The Stupid ""What's The Difference Between Jam And Jelly Joke"" Reposted Every Second Day Your mama must have fed you jelly, 'cause jam don't shake like that."

"It's because it's Bring Your Daughter To Work Day, sweetie. That's why. What Papa is doing right now is called an ""autopsy"". Stop crying."

"Husband: Can I use your phone? Me: *throwing phone in the ocean* My what?"

"What did the strawberry say on December 25th? Berry Christmas!"

"[ants at a Def Leppard concert] *Pour Some Sugar on Me starts* Ant 1: Oh hell yeah I love this one Ant 2: Sugar is good for us and the queen"

"Hm, want to use firecrackers but not wake the neighbors. I know, I'll light the firecrackers inside a container! Like this megaphone here!"

"I understand why Jesus was crucified But the crown of thorns is a real head scratcher."